That grey house which has a beautiful small garden is my first destination after leaving the airport for about fifteen minutes ago. How great! This building is just as same as four years ago when the last time I saw it. There is no both additional building and color changed. I am numb. Just looking at this memorable house makes me nervous and gets a sudden hands tremble. I can feel how I am at a little war inside. Half of my heart really wants to knock that wooden door and the other half absolutely wants to go out of this place as soon as possible. I take a deep breath.
“There is no chance to run, Dimas,” I talk to myself.
Yeah, my mind had made up since the day I left this city. I cannot be a coward by stepping my feet out. This day is the day that I waited for, isn’t it? It has been so long and honestly I really miss this place.
I decide to knock the door then. Wait and hope everything inside is just like the house, constant. And I will be the happiest guy in the entire world.
“Creak…” the door slowly opens.
I turn into a stone when I know who is in the back of the door. That is her! A girl with a messy black short hair, black glasses, red t-shirt, jeans and also cute face. I want to jump and shout ‘I am home and I miss you so bad, dear’ but it never happens. In front of her, I just keep my mouth silent. So does she. She is surely surprised of me and stand like a beautiful statue.
Moment freezes. Then, I hear a heavy step approaching behind the door. That is always him, her lovely possessive father.
“Who’s coming, Alin?” ask him.
The exact mustache style (just like four years ago) is now at my sight.
“Good afternoon, Sir. So glad to see you,” I try to make a better situation by greeting him first and also moving my hand towards his.
He seems surprised as well then angrily says, “What the hell are you doing here? Get out from here! We don’t want people like you to be our guest. ”
“I am sorry for everything, Sir. I know I was wrong. May I talk to Alin, please? I have something to say.” I look at Alin but she still on her silent.
“Sorry, son. Do you speak English? G-E-T O-U-T!! Alin does not want to see you anymore!”
My eyes are full of wooden door after that. The door is slammed, ruins my heart breaking into pieces. The proper price I have to pay. Leaving her without any goodbye, four years ago.
When her father says no it means literally no. He will not accept any excuses though you are waiting all the daylong or do some silly things to make him give up. The result will be the same. I know him so well. Since waiting in front of her house will not work, I decide to leave her house.
By riding a cap, her house is left. May be I have to look for another way to meet her. Another day too. The question is… Will Alin agree to meet me again? Suddenly, I am afraid of all the probability about me and her. About her feeling to me. How if she is in a relationship with another guy and live happy without looking back at her past? What shall I do? I cannot hold my tears and unconsciously text her.
Alin, sorry for everything. Will you forgive me?
I need to talk. Let’s meet each other.
Stupid! That is the next appropriate word to me. She will not text me back for sure. After that, the cap’s seat becomes the most painful seat ever. I am bloody panic and don’t know how many times I have looked at my phone just for checking whether there is a text or not. Even, the cap’s driver knows something wrong with me.
“Are you okay, Sir?”
“Yes, Sir! I’m just a little bit tired,” I reply.
He smiles and backs to his steer. At the same time, I feel my hands get a vibration. It comes from my phone. Slowly, I open it. There is a text from Alin. My heart jumps but I have to read it.
Alin : When?
Dimas : When you’re free to go out.
Alin : Tomorrow 3.00 p.m. at Mercury street.
Dimas : Deal. I’ll be there.
There is a big relief inside of me. Finally she agrees to meet. Although, I still cannot take a conclusion behind her agreement. However, at least I get the chance to meet that face and try to explain what must to be explained. Saying what must to be said. Doing what must to be done. Though she is not my girl that I used to know, I have to be brave. Brave to prove that I love her and want her to be mine (again).